Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

I liked the dusting of snow we had this morning. I like when it’s like that. It quiets everything down; which is funny because the molecules in cold air carry sound much better. Ever hear the call of a far away train in the winter? Those molecules are pretty cool. Where I’m from in India, and probably really most of the country, most people haven’t gotten to hear a cool sound like that. Life has given me a pretty wide view because I moved around so much. I don’t have vivid memories of my first snow because I was in Canada and I was very little, but I do have memories of snow in Canada when I was in 2^nd grade (where I won the award for most polite over my whole school). I spent time building forts by myself and sitting in them alone; after the work was done, then sometimes people would come join me, but sometimes they would come and kick me out. It was kind of like at the start of the movie ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ and maybe the start of the book, I don’t remember.


It’s very jarring to walk out of a serene winter scene into the hustle and bustle of the street I live in; it’s a neat experience I guess. I spend a lot of time in the “woods” now days – and the drive away from that isn’t nearly as jarring, but I guess it’s the amount of time invested in the serene that makes the hustle more manageable. Makes sense.

It’s the park near my house, if you’re ever in Dayton OH you could check it out, it’s right in the middle of the city I live in and it’s a really cool way to retreat very fast to nature. In the winter, the cold air carries the hum from cars on the highway near by and the bare trees let you see the outline of houses; but I’m sure it’s different in the summer – I don’t know because I just started going there.

I like my time there; I am 27 now but somehow in the expanse (even in the plotted expanse) of nature, you just feel little and good. I jump from rock to rock over a little creek to get to the ‘mainland’ where I trek through bare branches and honeysuckle to get to this neat little point on a hill where someone (I assume the city) built a look out point. I sit there for a while and the sounds of rustling leaves under little woodland creatures is louder than the hum of society. Then I trek back down, bounding through branches and slipping on wet leaves. I spend who knows how long skipping rocks and throwing in big rocks to hear the ‘Dunk’ sound they make. I lie back on this concrete slab and look at the cold sky framed by the woods. It’s nice there, and it makes the world of driving and concrete seem not so eternal. I hope we don’t lose our forests and parks; humanity would lose a really nice connection to it’s soul – I know I would lose mine; but I’ll probably die before that happens, who knows though, nukes are all over it seems; but I’m no political scientist.

My mother cooks me food sometimes, she’d do it more often if I let her, and it’s always really good. Like insanely good, and I try and eat a lot of good (defined as tasty first!) food. Hers is tasty and good for you; it’s like perfect mom food – but with curry. Then sometimes, like about a week ago, she’ll give me curry and then a homemade apple-crisp. Which was amazing ps.

Looking back on it I guess that’s also kind of the life she gave me, very Indian, very American. Apple-crisp is American right?

I like these 20 calorie popsicles I have – you should go get them, whoever you are, I’m telling you, they are cheap and good and pretty insignificant for the diet. I’m thankful I can afford treats. I also get a coffee everyday – which is insane to me on some level because I don’t understand when in life I began romanticizing coffee. In any event, I eventually just became hooked on it. I’m thankful that I can push through the headaches if I don’t drink it though, and sometimes I don’t get it for days on end on purpose because I really don’t like addiction. Which is why smoking is super lame. I don’t know though, I guess it’s just a constant process.

I like my bed so much man. Its pretty huge; not like ‘MTV Cribs’ overcompensation huge, but really comfy. It’s a big fat thick mattress and it’s boxed in by big posts on all four sides with a canopy on top; I’m 5’8” and if I sit on it my feet dangle, it’s cool. I guess it makes me feel little too maybe.

St. Therese of Lisieux (the Little Flower) proposed the prayer of being little. Little in front of God – which sounds easy but we all see ego and hurt ego all over the world posturing itself with grandiosity. It’s been said that she is the answer to combat the philosophy of Friedrich Nietzsche which I find so prevalent in our modern thinking. He is an incredible writer but his over-arcing philosophy fails on some very important levels. He’s good to read to understand how some people think in the world; but without a firm foundation he’s very dangerous. Through a pretty thick Christian lens a lot of his words can help apply the Gospels though – but through that lens, everything can help unravel the mystery of the Gospels! That's the amazing power of subjectivity I guess.

Like, “One can never cease to marvel once one has acquired eyes for this marvel!” is something he proposes in ‘Beyond Good & Evil’ – but he’s talking about the marvel of giving up morality. That makes no sense because he’s basically just proposing a new morality – however his words can make clear why the lens of God can’t be moved once in place – or even love or anything else marvelous that grabs us. The woods, the joy in the ‘Dunk’ sound, lots of stuff. God just encompasses all that while still being distinct from it for me.

I like hoodies and these horribly unfashionable velour pajamas I have. I got them initially because my mom heard me talking about “draping myself in velvet” – I don’t think she knew that I was just mimicking George Costanza from a really funny episode of Seinfeld-though really which episode doesn’t have at least one super funny part? I like that show a lot too.

Humor and human ability for it is by far one of my favorite things; and nonsense humor at that. I call very random humor genius, but maybe that’s just a mix of ego and stupidity- I’m sure it doesn’t matter, and the tendency in me is funny either way. I can laugh at almost anything, that’s pretty cool; I know a lot of people who just don’t get that.

I think, in part, that’s where my philosophy of ‘Madness’ comes from; but also from lots and lots of different sources. I wonder often, and suspect somewhere, that ‘Madness’ is going to be the philosophy of my transition; because in the end, we’re all working to enjoy life and enjoy it correctly, so philosophy without that goal seems empty to me – egotistical even. Once one enjoys life I wonder if they stop philosophizing? The great saints and yogis seem to write not to understand or explain the world, but of their experience of it. I think they do it to share their little glimmer of the sun of enlightenment which one can call the beatific vision I guess. At least in some small part. I’m no theologian either; and frankly I wouldn’t really call me a philosopher though many people that get to know me do.

In fact just the other day, or a few weeks ago, someone I can’t remember listened to me talking at length going on about one hundred of my thousands of tangents and when I was spent of speech, followed up not with any comment to further the conversation but to say, “You’re a philosopher huh?” – that’s a weird comment huh? But maybe they just never thought about stuff like that – or maybe they did and just considered themselves philosophers too; I can’t remember who it was or I’d ask them.

It’s neat to have the internet – you can ask it anything! I feel sometimes like I’m a time traveler from the past and modern tools just blow my mind away with their luxury. Like I just did a search on Google and it came back with the exact response I was looking for on 0.65 seconds! And it was something pretty obscure too! My search was good though, I learned how to search well from practice and an old job I used to have in Internet Marketing with the company I’m with. Here's how long finding a good image of George took.

Well enough for now. That was a lot more than I’m sure any of you will ever read. But it’s a nice marvel of modern technology that I can post this and have some feeling that I’m sharing. The void of the internet can feel like some pretty real connections.

I’ll leave you, if you’ve gotten this far! With a couple of pretty nice quotes from St. Therese that I guess maybe make sense of all these little things I like.

“Jesus needs neither books nor Doctors of Divinity in order to instruct souls; He, the Doctor of Doctors, He teaches without noise of words.”

“You know well enough that Our Lord does not look so much at the greatness of our actions, nor even at their difficulty, but at the love with which we do them.”

Okay fine, two more – she’s awesome!

“I prefer the monotony of obscure sacrifice to all ecstasies. To pick up a pin for love can convert a soul”

“The only thing I really wish for…is to love until I die of love.”

God bless you Readers, and even you non-readers who don’t know anything about this little pool I spout into. Talk to you tomorrow.

Witchdoctor reccomends Gluten-free diet

I went to the weirdest doctor today. He’s like a modern American shaman. He’s 72 and incredibly short on the phone but unhesitatingly. He’s not rude, he’s just himself.

He works on kinesiology and chiropractic – I was there for the former based upon recommendation of my more balanced, yet eccentric and experimental therapist.

Apparently I shouldn’t eat gluten. Then he recommends a book – and I’m thinking it’s going to be from some yogi or ancient diet wisdom. Nope, it’s written by a woman from ‘the View’ – and not even Barbara – the annoying blonde one.

He put pill bottles on my belly and asked me to flex various muscles and then tried showing me the logic behind his entirely inexplicable science. I even told him, “I don’t think you were pushing as hard that time” – to question the validity of what he was doing. Like at the end of “Man on the Moon” when Andy Kaufmann realizes the ‘healer’ he’s going to is just pulling out chicken gizzards like a magician with a hat trick.

His office looked like a man who’s created a little world for himself and he was quite strong and well built for 72. His hearing aides had hair poking out beneath them and he was a very cute man. He got me some natural supplements and was very interested in my heritage – trying to claim that that’s one of the reasons I shouldn’t eat gluten.

I told him about how popular Nan’s and Roti’s are in India and that I don’t know if they grow wheat but we do eat a lot of it. He still wanted to believe that rice was the diet mainstay. Anyhow, what else is life if not a long and fun experiment with yourself? So let’s see if my Shaman had any substance behind his claim. If not, it’s still fun to experiment and go into the modern caves of witch doctors.

The Madman Laughs at Everything

"One first learns correctly how to take, else they continue giving wrongly" - Madness

How to cause a scene

There was a segment yesterday about a troop called ‘Improv Everywhere’ and the ‘missions’ they carry out. It was incredibly fascinating and excited me a bit that maybe I could be a part of it – or even be caught by it.

This group carries out non-threatening ‘pranks’ which they call ‘missions’; stating the goal is "causing scenes of Chaos and joy”.

I think I’m salivating.

For example, the Mission: Throw a birthday party for a stranger

Christopher Rawson was sitting in a bar with his friend and a full pitcher of beer.

Charlie Todd, who began the group in August of 2001, spotted Chris and his friend and their full pitcher of beer and called up the rest of the ‘Agents’ to carry out the mission.

The match was lit.

Charlie walked up to Chris and said, “Hey Ted, sorry we’re a little early for your birthday party.”

The fire started.

Christopher Rawson just figured it was a case of misunderstanding – Charlie Todd laughs it off. More people come in; everyone calls him Ted. He shows his license, everyone laughs it off.

Charlie had sent an email to all the agents prior that outlined specific things that ‘Ted’ loved; bands he loved, where he went to school, where he worked, etc.

Charlie asked the agents to come up with a connection to Ted, so everyone who was hugging and buying Chris gifts would talk about the past and how long it had been, etc.

Eventually, Chris begins answering and introducing himself as Ted, he even started corroborating all the fake memories. Said it gave him some semblance of control.

Ted (left) poses with Agent Winckler

If you fast forward to 33:40 on the link below you’ll catch the story from the players involved. Listen till about 43:00

http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=286

You can read directly from the 'Improv Everywhere' site here - http://improveverywhere.com/2003/09/19/ted's-birthday/

The eternal reoccurrence of the same

July 8th, 1819

My sweet girl,
Your Letter gave me more delight, than any thing in the world but yourself could do; indeed I am almost astonished that any absent one should have that luxurious power over my senses which I feel. Even when I am not thinking of you I receive your influence and a tenderer nature steeling upon me. All my thoughts, my unhappiest days and nights have I find not at all cured me of my love of Beauty, but made it so intense that I am miserable that you are not with me: or rather breathe in that dull sort of patience that cannot be called Life. I never knew before, what such a love as you have made me feel, was; I did not believe in it; my Fancy was affraid of it, lest it should burn me up. But if you will fully love me, though there may be some fire, 'twill not be more than we can bear when moistened and bedewed with Pleasures. You mention 'horrid people' and ask me whether it depend upon them whether I see you again. Do understand me, my love, in this. I have so much of you in my heart that I must turn Mentor when I see a chance of harm befalling you. I would never see any thing but Pleasure in your eyes, love on your lips, and Happiness in your steps. I would wish to see you among those amusements suitable to your inclinations and spirits; so that our loves might be a delight in the midst of Pleasures agreeable enough, rather than a resource from vexations and cares. But I doubt much, in case of the worst, whether I shall be philosopher enough to follow my own Lessons: if I saw my resolution give you a pain I could not. Why may I not speak of your Beauty, since without that I could never have lov'd you. I cannot conceive any beginning of such love as I have for you but Beauty. There may be a sort of love for which, without the least sneer at it, I have the highest respect and can admire it in others: but it has not the richness, the bloom, the full form, the enchantment of love after my own heart. So let me speak of your Beauty, though to my own endangering; if you could be so cruel to me as to try elsewhere its Power. You say you are afraid I shall think you do not love me - in saying this you make me ache the more to be near you. I am at the diligent use of my faculties here, I do not pass a day without sprawling some blank verse or tagging some rhymes; and here I must confess, that, (since I am on that subject,) I love you the more in that I believe you have liked me for my own sake and for nothing else. I have met with women whom I really think would like to be married to a Poem and to be given away by a Novel. I have seen your Comet, and only wish it was a sign that poor Rice would get well whose illness makes him rather a melancholy companion: and the more so as so to conquer his feelings and hide them from me, with a forc'd Pun. I kiss'd your Writing over in the hope you had indulg'd me by leaving a trace of honey - What was your dream? Tell it me and I will tell you the interpretation threreof.
Ever yours, my love!
John Keats.

Do not accuse me of delay - we have not here any opportunity of sending letters every day. Write speedily.

Astrea

Aphra Behn was once a spy; and even one that got screwed over by her employer (Charles II) - and further still, thrown into debtor's prison!

But when she got out, she began writing to take care of herself. Can't know much about her because of the lack of documentation for the times and also that she was considered very scandalous and even trashy - plus she was a woman, so she was fighting a losing battle for equal rights during that time to begin with. But through all that lack of history, this woman is still remembered-amazing.

Oh, she also writes wonderfully...and did I mention she was a SPY!
Check her out.

Hov

"I never asked for nothin I don't demand of myself

Honesty, loyalty, friends and then wealth

Death before dishonor and I tell you what else

I tighten my belt 'fore I beg for help

Foolish pride is what held me together through the years

I wasn't felt which is why I ain't never played myself

I just play the hand I'm dealt,

I can't say I've never knelt

before God and asked for better cards at times to no avail

But I never sat back feelin sorry for myself

If you don't give me heaven I'll raise hell

('Til it's heaven) "

In most interviews, when you hear the way Jay-Z's mind works, he's concerned about the overall culture of hip-hop; and even if you're not into hip-hop, the fact that his focus is the culture at large, is an important aspect lost in most thinking - and it's really important.

He's funny, in a quirky way (watch above), and he really loves his wife - and his relationship with his wife. Which is every man's dream.

He's pretty awesome; i'll write more on him as time goes on.

Lionheart

"Beating still, and holy, within my breast,
Roars a Lion with heart aflame;
By authority of violent sky, and tidal crest -
He roars for thy pain."

A possible break from fire-fighting: I am T-Pain

I could postulate, that maybe, just maybe the best thing about you and I - though it's the best in general - is our humor and information.

But I could argue all things are the best - affection, intimacy, agile conversation, loyalty, understanding - really anything; fashion sense, knowing glance - I could pick almost anything...dare I say - even arguing?!

To that end, you whom I adore; with a big kiss below your eye and above your cheek for your tired head I wish I could hold forever -

Sweet Dreams John Keats

"I made a garland for her head,

And bracelets too, and fragrant zone;

She looked at me, as she did sweet love

And made sweet moan.

She found me roots of relish-sweet

And honey wild, and manna-dew

And sure in language strange she said,

I love thee true.

She took me to her elfin grot

And there she gazed and sighed deep;

And there I shut her wild sad eyes -

So kissed to sleep."

-John Keats

"La belle dame sans merci"