Every so often I come back around. Last night one of my best friends I have ever made in my young life so far, moved away. We spent the better part of our last hours together listening to each others songs, plugging in one another's iPod's as we saw the time dwindle towards departure.
I told Shams about how nearly a decade ago I can remember weeping to this song....and then subsequently at various points thereafter when I would come back around to putting this song into rotation. Last night however, my tears were softer as we shared listening to this song, I came back around to a place I like being emotionally and spiritually.
I want you, unsuspecting internet passer-by (should you have read this self indulgent stranger thus far) to take few minutes to stop, about ten if you read me and then listen to this song. Sharing our experience is so important. When someone leaves, what is leaving is the ability to share together in the ways you do - even though those ways grow you to share together in different ways. It's all transient, so what makes the sweet sting of departure a loss? Alas, I am but Socrates without a student here, I will postulate no true answer alone it seems...
Every time, after the week began taxing me, my meetings with Shams would bring me to a reality. I would find my own skin and realize it was better than I even knew! Shams lives forever, and though my sweet brother James has moved, Shams will live on when we speak on the reg and visit one another. A brother so close that I swear he was cut out of the same womb that formed me; of course, that is par for the course with Shams.
Different cries and different times. It's that reality of my life that all coming will pass - though I suspect at sometime a few will remain - or at least we can safely say appear to stay, since time is always "running away". Luckily, I don't feel like my soul has turned to steel anymore. It is an interesting apathy that sets in. Us reasonable adults are very, very funny creatures.
I could write forever today, bleed in emotions and thought as they wrestle in loving embrace. I guess I just still want to share experiences with some people, even if I know that we have completely separate lives. The way Shams leaves, leaves hope and appreciation and makes parting more than just bitter, but bittersweet - it is always thusly right?
Amen for Shams living on in my brother Tim; our trinity was marvelous, and I cried again after James left because it became clear how well God (call it circumstance and chance if you wish) takes care of me. I, an only child, was surrounded with such loving brothers as only great poetry can hint towards; then again, awed at how James & Tim came into my life, Shams told me to burst open like this
I hope you will laugh with me loudly, because you see my writing in circles. It's time to be alone again.
Love you Shams, show Philly what brotherly love means, we will see you soon.
Shadows are falling and I’ve been here all day It’s too hot to sleep, time is running away Feel like my soul has turned into steel I’ve still got the scars that the sun didn’t heal There’s not even room enough to be anywhere It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there
Well, my sense of humanity has gone down the drain Behind every beautiful thing there’s been some kind of pain She wrote me a letter and she wrote it so kind She put down in writing what was in her mind I just don’t see why I should even care It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there
Well, I’ve been to London and I’ve been to gay Paree I’ve followed the river and I got to the sea I’ve been down on the bottom of a world full of lies I ain’t looking for nothing in anyone’s eyes Sometimes my burden seems more than I can bear It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there
I was born here and I’ll die here against my will I know it looks like I’m moving, but I’m standing still Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb I can’t even remember what it was I came here to get away from Don’t even hear a murmur of a prayer It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there
No comments:
Post a Comment