Permission Slip

"I find that when I have nothing to say and simultaneously have everything to say - I just say nothing...because everything won't be enough when saying nothing." - Madman

When one hasn't place to say anything, yet feels strongly to say something, the attempt is generally faulty. Dis-joi-Nted, discon nected, obscure - ultimately nonsense which speaks the opposite of what the original feeling which wanted expression was. This is beautiful in it's own right, everything but evil is beautiful especially counting attempts at living. That is the foundation for any critique or discourse, things are not that bad; all is quizzical adventure. If we have fun sometimes and not others - it has nothing to do with the value of the adventure, but rather is only parts of its whole.

A large part then, of attempting to dissolve any dissonance within oneself and be able to be happy and further holy, i.e. free - is permission to be how one wishes; which I assert is not a remote wish, but an intended wish, could we even say, a preformed disposition we awaken to...

I will not discount the work of grace - which on one side 'builds on nature' and on the other 'is all things' (Aquinas and Augustine respectively).

The permission to feel any way and at any moment; to be as fickle as we are or as rigid as we are - and with that permission to feel any way we wish, without the repression of emotion, our behavior becomes wise.

The repression of emotion is what breeds the fervency of expression so high that it becomes confused, wanting to say everything when saying nothing is fine. Where feeling is allowed by self, and in that freedom behavioral choices can be elected. Authentic expression beyond psychological self-soothing.

Basically I just want to feel satisfied and not feel bad about it; and that I do feel bad about it (undeserving and so anxious, incorrect, reprehensible, etc.) is what doesn't sit well with me. I'm created by joy for joy. Like anyone else. Like you right?

I wrote a long time ago (but taking ones own advice is wiser than their wisdom) - anyways, I wrote a long time ago, "Conviction, not guilt, never shame" - The Madman Laughs at Everything. I've hurt people, been hurt, etc. etc. etc. I still deserve to be happy, even if people I know or have known don't seem to be happy, or are not happy. I can feel sad for them, however their happiness is not my business, it's lightness and weight their own - as mine is not theirs to carry either. Plus, when thought of, how incorrect is the assertion, if you are unhappy yet, then I shall be too - the you have two people living as unintended.

Baptized in fear by the fear of an absent father, baptized in shame by the fear of a fearful mother...it's time for me to let them - and so everyone whose voice echoed in the caverns of my heart my parents left - go.

I find God here. In the clear fields where thought is quiet and feeling is vacant - it is here I am filled with joy, such joy that somehow it is always surprising. I wish I could take everyone with me, but it wouldn't be joy for them, they - you - have your own fields.

Thanks for reading my reminder, my self-parenting, and my ideas on internal interpersonal relationships (trust me that makes sense).

Hope to see you in your fields.

I might be sitting all cool like this in mine...or running around like John the Baptist in the desert with bugs in my teeth and honey on my fingers...it's really all the same thing.

Nous savons que tout est possible, car nous avons vu le changement amour à la haine et vice-versa

Magic Marketing: Titles

I love marketing, and so love trying to watch how it trends. It's disappointing, sort of disgusting (lack of originality), beautiful (culture breeding similar ideas), and hilarious all at the same time. Marketing can tell us a lot about what a culture says about itself - and further consistently tries to hit upon the most basic of any of our emotions.

There are two trends that I've seen most recently. The one described here you will see much more, I can guarantee it to you; by the time you see a commercial on television that uses it, you'll know it's on it's way out - I think there is already a sitcom using it - but it needs to be played out, then it will fizzle fast. Marketing did this 'turn & burn' to itself...but let's stay on one point.

The second, markets tradition (you're part of something much bigger - buy our product for inclusion) I will share/write about that trend (and further the hilarity that it's accepted while older traditions are seen as faulty, i.e. religion) when I have more time...or make time for it. Very quickly let me say however the core of this push of tradition is 'inclusion' - a core desire for most.

The following is assurance; the same reason palm readers and psychics and books on sexual astrology and compatibility are popular - we are inclined to want to know what's coming. We want to figure a person out easily, get their angle; and this reaches even farther to the core - safety.

For instance, if you met a new man/woman; to have the knowledge before you meet them what role in your life they will play. The Lover, or The Heartbreaker...the villain or the saint; this is at our core and we fight against its tide constantly. However now, the magic that is marketing can even give us some assurance.

This is a trend you will not be able to miss in the coming year - thereafter it will probably fade if not within the next 8 months.

Magic Marketing: Character Titles.

The idea of titles is already overused. The word "THE" to denote something as THE one. Exclusivity (the negative of inclusion and therefore in the same vein). This was used in movie titles a lot a few years back, now it looks like it's transitioned to the cast.

Here are three examples of this trend.

INCEPTION

GUARDIANS OF GA 'HOOLE

DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS

Each character in the supporting cast has a role to play, and you know their driving force going in.

In the end, I think the idea of safety is far from the mind when seeing this marketing - however, I postulate its embedded effectiveness for that reason. To remind us we know their role, and then see how they play it out.

On a more surface level, the level that the marketing more overtly engages us on, they are selling us on things we have already bought - let me explain - identifying with the characters becomes easier because we already have an emotional response to the title they hold; we're in their story before ever stepping in the theater.

Another example: "he's the class clown", "he's the most likely to succeed", "she has the best smile", "he's the boss", "he's the mind reader", "he's the warrior", etc. - our emotional response is already engaged with titles.

There are a host of other things happening, but those are different aspects of the marketing. The look in the eyes of "The Warrior" or "The Mind Reader" or "The Extractor" - The dress, the choice of print and specific polish. The deconstruction of modern day movie trailers (especially juxtaposed with those of 40 years ago) is another great area, replete with interest and an undercurrent echoing the voice of the culture at that time.

If one can begin catching the trends, or the waves in marketing, and further, learn to go surfing on them, then one has a great opportunity to understand the mood of a culture as a whole - from fear to desire - and respond accordingly. And isn't that sentence marketing in and of itself? The promise to have secret knowledge? And alas, we come full circle, as the leviathan of capitalism with it's jaws of marketing in whose soil we are bred and breathe chews up all that is false and authentic to one single pulp without leaving any traditional knowledge of how to discern one from another, or leaving any foundation to make a critique...though I'm sure it will sell us a new foundation soon - most probably a repeat of the one it's been selling us since the idea of marketing began...but alas, I digress.

Karan

Slow Country

City life

Calling me later

Me and my soul

Geared to attack

Never get another chance

So what you doing

Gotta get money

Ain't quite doing

Can't stand your loneliness

Can't stand your loneliness

Can't stand your loneliness

Can't stand your loneliness

Shoot my life

Your tryin not to laugh though

You won't get money

From doing what you're loving

Moving out of city

Better have a second chance

Get a lot of problems

We kicked a lot of them

Can't stand your loneliness

Can't stand your loneliness

Can't stand your loneliness

Can't stand your loneliness

Can't stand your loneliness

Can't stand your loneliness

Can't stand your loneliness

Can't stand your loneliness

No no your loneliness

Huggin'

Wrote these words about three years ago. The phrases like 'virtually there' are fleshed out to be characters, thus their capitalization. Imagine them all persons and Truth, holding the all close. Like a mother to young children fortunate enough for that love. Hope you enjoy the lyrics!

Virtually There has missed the mark/ She’s been chastised from the day to the dark/ The trash buckets ask for ideas/As Truth holds us close

Gross Lies says he wants someone/ Starvation overstayed his welcome/The screens beg to trade away peace/As Truth holds us close

Open Wound wants his wife/ Instead comes healing with her knife/ The medicine asks him to worship/As Truth holds us close

Injustice sleeps well tonight/ Her broken heart he sentenced for life/ The scars want to tell her secrets/ As Truth holds us close

Weapons of War. Symptoms of Madness.

On the drive back from University to work, the disc changer hit up disc three. Ray just starts singing into my heart, pouring the weight of his emotionality into mine through a heavy voice. I love him, thanks.

If you're some sad person that still doesn't know Ray Lamontagne, you should probably just start anywhere - maybe the video below? And you won't know you're sad till after you're into Lamontagne, then you'll know how sad it is that you didn't have Ray playing you out of your mothers womb. Thereafter you can sink into the thick ocean of his artful talent and precise heart. I'm sure he would think of it very differently, but that's the joy in being a fan...we can think insanely.

I finished all my school work early so before work i was able to swing by my house and just wail singing songs and aggravating the strings on my older instrument (with thicker strings that need changed so their a bit muddy). It felt like heaven. This coming off of realizing that my six hours of working at home paid off in class today (test Monday! yikes & yay!). And ushering in some new structure built on the foundation of what I have so far - I mean this concerning my confidence in ability to sing, play, perform, execute, conceive, and birth music and lyrics. It hasn't felt that good in a while (hence the jaunt through old songs which you've seen if you follow this blog).

This video must absolutely be watched until the very very end, till it itself decides it's over. There is this flash of a moment right before it cuts off that is just perfect. The song itself is clearly terrific (come on, what'd you expect?), and it's an older song so needs no introduction, and the mini-interview before hand is something (if you keep up on RL) that you've seen, but it's nice to hear him breathe anyways.

Till later mes ami! Hope you have a great day.

Karan

Who's there?

Play the song below as you read this.

I've lost fathers and lovers and uncles and lots of people. I think most people have loss they can recall. The world is lost as we get it, eventually to lose the living world itself, to death.

Sometimes the imagination desires a person come, and find us somewhere in the future, while of course, others we hope never return to knock - but in quiet moments, maybe we even wish to see them. I know I do usually. Maybe even just to validate the relationship that once was. Love is eternal to me, so people like my friend Matt, if ever to knock at my door, I would probably cry in a blast of emotions no few words would express. Any of the now ghosts I guess. That our love was real, not just mine. Of course all that matters is how I love and if I loved, whether they did or not is not in question - that's co-dependency as affected by immaturity when we expect everyone to be as loyal as our parents - which ironically is further demanded if we have absent parents; in the end, God is the only one who is and to whom we may be so loyal - but old habits die hard, and make quite a fuss as they go.

With some whimper (as such the world we know ends) I sigh that this may be or may not, as we move in one direction, and change never ceases; one of the only consistencies in life is movement; stillness is death - literally.

Music can touch the magic in us, the magic that still exists all over in everything, but that most of us can't hold up because the suffering on the present becomes too great. I think that's a large part of maturity, learning to hold the past as frozen, along with the future as a vacuum, and the present as all that exists - for such is real. All while simultaneously upholding our belief in Magic. This is why I postulate belief in God is increasingly difficult for the generations as we've seen - we've all become more childish expecting, expecting, expecting - and blaming, blaming, blaming when disappointed ( a cover for hurt and a further fear of our fears being confirmed). This is my thinking, but I"m young - even if I was on my death bed...

This song, coming up on random on my iPod touches that old magic for me, the magic that sometimes feels like dark magic that won't die. I imagine myself reading in my condo, and then a knock. The door opens and someone I loved dearly stands there, humble enough and loving enough (ergo free of erratic fear, but respectful to our individuality) to put themselves back out and see their old friend, or son, or lover; for nothing but to behold the others presence.

Currently I'm not mature enough in all situations to handle any old ghost showing up, but certain ghosts I could allow to re-materialize. The knock on my cranium from the inside reminds me that reality and romantic fantasy are very, very different. I quickly dispense of the day dream and concern myself with my present. This song playing off into the distance as a gang of musicians walks over the horizon, leaving a reminder that magic is still alive and when we least expect it sometimes, if people allow their hearts to flourish, we may hear a knocking...or may become able to knock ourselves.

Hope you enjoy the little magic spell Vetiver frequently casts and really all good music is a magic spell...magic spells are all around us, words, scenery, laughter, and on and on - but we'll reserve that topic for another time.

Miss you ghosts, glad to have you in my life when I did. Good luck in your ghost worlds, I'm doing well in mine right now.

karan

(and this videos awesome too ps)

I can't believe that you're knocking,
knocking on my door
Oh, it's been so long, been so long

I can't believe that you're knocking,
knocking on my door
Oh, it's been so long, been so long
Fate has a way of showing
on where you belong
Oh, it's been so long, been so long

Sound of my heart's stopping
A surprising stop
It's been so long, been so long
Time has a way of knowing
what we have is strong
Oh, it's been so long, been so long

Helsinki

I was warming up to sing and record a song a few years ago, about four years. I began strumming and just singing to warm up. I began making up words instead of humming first; thus, I cannot remember how to play this song and this is the first time I’ve written the words down in four-ish years. I like this song very much and I will be looking for help to figure out the chords I might be playing. Since it was nonsense to me, I entitled it ‘Helsinki’ which is the first word that came in mind after I realized I was warmed up and could stop singing – which I didn’t realize I was doing for the five minutes and twenty seconds the song is. It has a bridge and a discernable chorus and verse structure – that it has it without actually being structured, or even written, is the part I find so fascinating. Hope you like the lyrics. Started university again today. Yippee-doo -

Helsinki

Skeptical of myself I’ll teach you how to think/ about me as I spend another year in my drink/ quick flash, blast beyond the past/ don’t disparage the world it’s just a rash

Sick sought, fantasies we fought/ in actuality anxiety has been eased/ let me trade you for another set of memories/ let me enslave you before I hit my knees

A trade a game, a card a name/ I see a shooting star, I’ve gone slightly insane/ bicker back at her, the banter begins to shatter/ into many pieces we joyfully scatter/ let me trade you for another set of memories/ let me enslave you before I hit my knees

Run run the queen has set us free/ She’s possessed by demons that she does not even see/ However we must remember her for immortality/ or the country will crumble and the cities will fall/ standing on the shoulders of these giants makes me appear tall

So I can see the horizon as the future approaches like an army/ light this match to understand the bourgeoisie/ let me trade you for another set of memories/ let me enslave you before I hit my knees

I feel lonely and broken, feel the drip of these words spoken, windows into worlds, feel what can’t be heard/ you will not bring me to the grave, I’ll walk there myself/ you will not taste bitter days, I’ll take them myself/ just let me trade you for another set of memories/ and let me enslave you, before I hit my knees.

-Karn Singh & The Freshwater

The love I'll have. Guaranteed.

'Inception' review - no spoilers!

The surest way to disappointed is expecting. The loftier the cliffs of expectation, the harder the fall. Every once in a while, the fall is cushioned.

Absolutely agree with the other reviews I've read, the film 100% needs a more engaging supporting cast. If one of the people died or were to die, I would only think, "That will make the mission harder" - a four star classic film would have us genuinely caring about the character. I considered this morning if a lot of that character development was left on the cutting room floor but we'll see if there is an extended edition.

As far as visual effects and score - awesome, as expected. No great fear of a big fall there.

Surpassing the visuals, score, characters, and even crafty story - the true shining mark of 'Inception' is the story-telling. Never before have I realized how important story-telling in movies are. Blame this on my ignorance and on the lack of sincere story-telling in movies and media. Christopher Nolan hands down should get best director, let alone his screenplay (Chris N. dreamed this idea up when he was only 16!).

Safely, due to a lack of emotional connection with the supporting cast, 'Inception' is a 3.5/4 - and surely not the cult classic I thought it would be; though it does produce enough fodder to have pop-culture nerds (myself already included) using different esoteric terms and phrases.

Expect good story telling and not as much of a pay off as Shutter Island. I expected a mind bender, and though intricate, it was told so artfully that pretzeling my mind wasn't a possibility - or concern.

Join the Club

Oldie but goodie

One, two, three, four

Tell me that you love me more
Sleepless long nights
That is what my youth was for

Old teenage hopes are alive at your door
Left you with nothing but they want some more

Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, You know who you are

Sweetheart bitterheart now I can't tell you apart
Cosy and cold, put the horse before the cart

Those teenage hopes who have tears in their eyes
Too scared to own up to one little lie

Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, you know who you are

One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, or ten
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then
One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, or ten
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then

Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, you know who you are
Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, you know who you are
Oh, who you are

For the teenage boys
They're breaking your heart
For the teenage boys
They're breaking your heart

- Fiest '1,2,3.4'

Swimming

I've not been impelled to write a new song in almost a month - this is very awkward territory for me as over the last few months I've written at least four songs a month (thirty-three over seven months in total out of which ten are pretty good and will probably make up my next album).

So, to not lose the ability to sing and play, I've decided to go back over the 475ish songs I have (250+ recorded) and redo some of them. It's a fun jaunt through my history.

Here is a small part of a set of lyrics to a song called 'Lost at Sea Again' I wrote when I was 23 or 24 years old.

"Don't know what love is but I'm gonna pine/can't let her go she's still lost inside my mind/trouble found a way, a way to explode/ the dynamite my past can't hold anymore// I'm lost at sea again, I'm lost at sea again, I'm lost at sea again.

Commodify my concupiscent desire/ just another cold day, why am I on fire?/ A rustle in the trees, the winds of change unceasing/ I look at the stars, I cannot tell if I'm breathing// I'm lost at sea again, I'm lost at sea again, I'm lost at sea again."

I think I might redo this song, add a bridge, change the melody, etc. Look for more old lyrics coming up in the following weeks. I might even remake 10 songs (make them actual songs versus attempts at songs which I used to call songs). There is good meat, just has to be cooked.

Karan

It's only the light

And to me this love was true and shining

These years were real and defining
Please don't forget how much I meant to you
When you are redefined by someone new

-Mason Jennings 'The Light (Part 2)'

When I'm lost & lonely

Oh Holy Spirit, descend plentifully into my heart. Enlighten the dark corners of this neglected dwelling and scatter there Thy cheerful beams.

- St. Augustine of Hippo

Inception - July 16th, 2010

I think we're on the verge of a cult classic movie coming out, and I'm real excited.

For Healthy Relationships. Ya Dingus.

For my own freedom, from my own prison

When you moved from the mouth of the cave which was a hole in my heart, you revealed a mirror hidden inside. I crawled inside to look deeper at the reflection and became imprisoned; captured by an unwillingness to accept the reflection – that the Ghost isn’t you, that the Ghost is me.

I am not looking for you when I look always and everywhere short hair flips; I am looking for how I felt searching for you. I am not writing you poems of love when I write love poems to you; I am writing myself for permission to feel that way again.

The freedom to feel the intensity of a kiss, of comfort in a lover's eyes, of appreciation beyond pious thankfulness, the joy in being desired.

To dream, and imagine it a possible reality.

I hope I can see you one day; I have been staring at a reflection of myself very long.

-The Madman Laughs at Everything