A shape within the watery gleam appeared
Bending to look on me, I started back,
It started back, but pleas'd I soon returned,
Pleas'd it returned as soon with answering looks
Of sympathy and love; there I had fixt
Mine eyes till now, and pined with vain desire,
Had not a voice thus warned me, What thou seest,
What there thou seest fair Creature is thy self ..."
-Milton, Paradise Lost 4:460
Looking for a love which suits you is like looking into a lake and becoming fixated on a phantom. In this scenario it is only themselves one is in love with, it is narcissism at some of it's finest - for it comes with cloak and dagger; posing as our ultimate unity with desire and truth, whilst stabbing our true paradise to death.
The only love I've witnessed which works is conscious, and does not seek it's own self. Love which is curious as a child is curious - a point which resonates like a hammer in all my thinking. It reminds me of 1Corinthians 13:5 and of Mathew 18:1-3.
"self-seeking" to be understood also as seeking the reflection of one's humor, one's interests, one's goals - one's whole self, and with this as the gauge, then surely any water would appear mildly, or grossly, polluted. "Turn and become like children" to be understood also as the acceptance of a child's love. Staggeringly free, for it doesn't even enjoy loving, it is not conscious enough of itself to think thusly.
As maturity brings awareness of self, and that awareness is informed by the circumstances a child is raised with - which is to say impacting his or her confidence, values, humor, etc. the child often becomes obscured and lost within the construct of their budding self-awareness.
To truly "fall in love" then - and we may say, 'to become able' to take that fall - is to incorporate the learned behaviors of adulthood with the inherent exuberance of 'child-likeness'; which is to say, to marry one's mind with one's heart.
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