Moments by myself with everyone else

I am having a moment. Another one I want to share 'privately' - else I'd just put this on my facebook. What is this need? I don't know what's happening. I feel like Portman in Black Swan - but my transformation feels like going from a dark brown duck to a Stag in the woods.

Let me tell you what tripped me over here. I was in the general rush of life at 11:30 - I read a few things, and somehow winded up reading the following passage from a Pablo Neruda poem titled 'We Are Many'-

"I would like to be able to touch a bell

and call up my real self, the truly me,

because if I really need my proper self,

I must not allow myself to disappear"

Concordantly, I was listening to a recently finished and recorded song this morning on the way into work; in fact, I'd been singing it to myself on the way in the door. The chorus is in two parts (could consider the first part a bridge I guess) and I was singing the second, or defined chorus - anyways, the song structure is neither here nor there - the words are as follows -

"And I lost my way

forgotten who I am

and all I know

is I'll be born again"

It is probably going to be the last song on the my new album of music. I wrote it over a year ago, and I just recently finished it about three weeks ago or so; I found the character of the song, I found it's melody and somewhat it's voice - enough to satisfy myself so far at least. Over a year later, when I was tracking it - the last song I tracked for this record - I began sobbing by the end and it was hard to finish the last two lines.

Before I started singing this song - after the guitar was already laid down, there was a flap flap flap flap against glass - and somehow a dove found it's way into the chimney and was rapping the glass. We opened the glass and worked to get it out, however he or she just flew around the studio and then started walking around the ground; these were billable hours so I just said whatever and started singing. Once the song was done, the dove flew out.

I like coincidences. I have a desire to believe them as magic - and that desire is good to have if the belief has been thus far muted as a passive response to circumstance.

Then today I read that poem from Pablo and something eerie happened. I realized how long I'd been doing this, but furthermore, how long I'd been doing this out of my own body - today I was reading Pablo Neruda for myself, and I felt like crying...

The song I wrote is entitled 'The Pursuit of Dreams' and is one of two title tracks off my new record due out sometime late this fall.

Karan