If you're familiar with comedian Zach Galifianakis, it's probably from his stand-up with the Comedians of Comedy or his appearances on Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! (John C. Reilly and SNL's Will Forte also guest on the show.) And you're probably used to being alone in your fandom. But soon you'll have company. Lots of it.... ...We sat down with him at a bar in Brooklyn one Saturday afternoon.
ESQUIRE: Guinness?
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS: I think it's like dough. It's like eating a couple of pieces of bread to soak up the other alcohol.
ESQ: Yeah. I tried to get into it but just didn't like it enough.
ZG: The only reason I got it is because I thought it'd be cool if you wrote it down in your article. [Laughing.] No, I like Guinness. But I do have to ride my bike home.
ESQ: Do you have a helmet, or do you trust the beard and hair for safety?
ZG: I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.
ESQ: When did the beard start?
ZG: Well, I have never been much of a groomer. I take baths a lot, but I don't wear deodorant. I don't have to. I have a miraculous body scent. I've had women smell me and say that should be bottled. I would advise guys to lay off the Drakkar, because the cavemen weren't wearing it. They might have been putting mint leaves on their balls, but [your scent] is grown naturally. I have really good dating advice.
ESQ: If doling that out doesn't work, you sure have a lot of other things going on right now.
ZG: I don't know how to say this without sounding like an asshole, but I have, like, seven movies this year. It's been busy. Working's new to me. I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of stand up. You're self-employed.
ESQ: But there are some perks to this lifestyle, right?
ZG: Nothing's really changed. I mean, not yet. I don't want my personal life to change. I don't understand why people strive for [fame]. I know it's ironic for me to be saying this in an interview, but um, this will be the last one I do.
ESQ: So you don't like answering the same question all the time about how you write a joke?
ZG: I just write shit down, get fucked up, and say it on stage. There's not much to it.
ESQ: Does this mean you're going the way of Joaquin Phoenix?
ZG: I'm going to go steal what he stole from me? Yeah, I'm going to go do that. Steal my persona back from Joaquin.
ESQ: I guess you do share a look.
ZG: It was kind of funny when he was on Letterman. I've gotten a lot of e-mails about that, people saying it's too similar to me. I don't really look at it that way.
ESQ: Anyone else stealing your look?
ZG: Jesus. Rasputin. Bruce Valanche.
[Galifianakis offers to move his coat off a barstool so that someone can sit down.]
I hate standing in bars. I'm very sensitive to it.
ESQ: My problem is trying to get a bartender's attention.
ZG: What you do is take a fanny pack with a couple of beers with you to the bar. You tell the girl you're gonna go get some drinks and come back two seconds later, and she'll be like, "I didn't want a Bud Light. I wanted a martini."
ESQ: You really are good at the dating advice.
ZG: Another thing I was thinking about recently is the movie-going experience. Should they not have softer food that they serve than the nachos and popcorn? What's next, rice cakes? It drives me crazy. I went and saw the Watchmen. Have you seen it?
ESQ: Not yet. How'd you feel about it?
ZG: I really liked it. But I almost walked out because it was so long.
ESQ: That seems like a movie your fans would love.
ZG: I guess. Losers. I have a real disdain for my audience.
ESQ: That's good, keeps you sharp.
ZG: My whole point is this: You can't think of funny shit, sitting at home by yourself? You have to come watch me do it? A lot of that's tongue in cheek, but I kind of do believe it. I don't like the way they look, sitting there, all so ugly.
ESQ: So some of the anger in your shows is real?
ZG: I don't know. It's hard to tell sometimes. But no, I'm the most mellow person offstage. I think it's just, going onstage lets me get out some frustration that I'm too shy to do in real life. Instead of doing it in private, I'd rather do it in front of 1,000 people who've paid $25 to see me lose my mind.
ESQ: Now they only have to pay ten bucks to see you do it in The Hangover.
ZG: I'm proud of The Hangover, but to be in movies like this, which are really the only places I can get work, it's really quite the opposite of what I am. I like sensitive art-house movies. I'm not even much of a partier. I mean, I'll drink myself into oblivion alone in my car —
ESQ: In your car?
ZG: Don't put that in there.
ESQ: Parked in your car. So where do you think you got your sense of humor?
ZG: My family has really good senses of humor. Even my great aunts in Greece. When you have a 79-year-old great aunt stand on a table while you're eating dinner and squat to show you the correct back position for taking a shit... I think certain people kind of have it in their blood a little bit to have a sense of humor. You're raised in it.
ESQ: Are your friends funny? Are they mostly comics?
ZG: Yeah, it's like, if you were... I'm sure you hang out with-
ESQ: Other nerdy writers?
ZG: Well, people you work with. It's the same thing. You go to dinner. I was out with friends the other night. I realized how nice it was to hang out with all these comics when there's not any bitterness. Because there's a lot of... what do you call it when there's, uh, in-sleeping, people sleep with each other... in a band?
ESQ: Incest?
ZG: Right. My sister and I have an improv group.
ESQ: Incestuous.
ZG: It's very incestuous. It's like Fleetwood Mac. But that's kind of faded with time. Everybody had a really good attitude. We wanted to hear each others' stories versus this, "What pilot are you on?" David Cross was there.
ESQ: You remember that guy in Manhattan a couple of years ago who posed as David Cross to get women?
ZG: I vaguely know about this. It could have actually been David Cross. The only reason I joined MySpace was because some 16-year old kid in Alaska uploaded my picture and was e-mailing girls saying, I want to fuck you. Which is so funny. Clever. I was like, Man, good luck. You picked the worst — maybe in the bear community he'd have some luck. But I had to get my identity back.
ESQ: So how much of your role in The Hangover was improvised?
ZG: A lot of it. That's why you hire a comic, so he can put his stamp on it. Todd would let us do things with the script — like jerking off the baby. That scene was not in the script. There was a prop doll, and I was just fooling around, waiting for a camera to get set up. I took the little doll's hand, and I was like, "Todd, look." And Todd said, "We got to put that in the movie." And I was like, "No, No. I don't want to."
ESQ: I can see how you wouldn't want to be the guy helping a baby masturbate.
ZG: Ed Helms was concerned it was illegal. So Todd had to ask the parents for permission. I've told people about that and they're horrified. But they misunderstand. They think it's my hand.
ESQ: I think my favorite scene was when you flicked your hair, walking down the hall with the other guys.
ZG: I've got to be honest with you. I've been trying to do that hair flick in something for a long time.
ESQ: Do you have a bank of stuff like that that you draw on when you want to make something funny?
ZG: You put a little thought into it. You might make a note in the script. But that hair flick... it's more in the moment. Doing small things like that — subtle stuff — it's really fun to me. If you're comfortable, it's so much easier. I just did a Disney movie where I didn't get a chance to do that. I was uncomfortable, and I think it shows.
ESQ: If nothing else, your oeuvre is widening. Are you still going to do stand-up?
ZG: I do whatever comes my way. But I get burned out on stage. It's a lonely world. I think part of the romanticism about being on the road is you get to meet a lot of — my mom once told me, "You've probably got a woman at every port." Like I'm a pirate. Obviously she doesn't know her son that well.
ESQ: Or you just haven't gotten enough exposure. Maybe The Hangover will make that easier.
ZG: Oh God, I hope not. The few times that I've been stopped by community-college kids, I try to be nice. It's not an inconvenience, but I would never want it. I mean, I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.
[To the bartender:] Can I get one more Stella? Before the bike ride?
By Peter Martin for Esquire Magazine -
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